John 2:1-11; Ephesians 5:22-33
Epiphany 2
✠ In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit ✠
In today’s Gospel Jesus is taking part in and adding to the joy of a wedding feast, even providing the finest vintage wine for the occasion. While this Gospel certainly deals with much more than marriage, I’m going to follow the lead of Martin Luther when he preached on this passage and focus especially on the divine gift of holy matrimony.
Marriage was a topic that needed to be addressed in Luther’s day, and it’s certainly no different today. On the surface, it might seem that our situation is completely different. When it comes to marriage and sexuality, his time and ours would appear to be almost exact opposites. After all, in the 1500's some of the most honored and looked-up-to people would have been those who were celibate, monks and priests and nuns who had taken a vow of chastity. Such people were looked upon as especially spiritual and examples to follow for living a good life. In our time the most honored people, who are thought of as living the good life, are often those who flaunt their sexuality, who might have several sexual partners over time, and who present their sexual freedom as part of what it means for them to live a truly fulfilled life. Someone today who is celibate or who waits till marriage is generally looked at as a bit unusual or naive or just boring.
And yet, when it comes right down to it, the problem in our day and in Luther’s day with regard to sexuality is at its root the very same problem. For in both cases God’s good gift of marriage is looked down on and sometimes even rejected outright. Whether you’re living a celibate life in order to achieve some supposedly higher state of holiness before God, or whether you’re sleeping with someone you’re not married to, even with the best of intentions and justifications, the sin is still the same: you’re rejecting the goodness and the necessity of God’s institution of marriage. It is within that sanctified estate that His good gift of sexuality is to be enjoyed. So it’s the same thing: whether a person is prudish about sex and considers it somehow to be dirty, or whether they’re indulgent about sex and are fine with whatever consenting adults want to do, it’s two sides of the same coin. God’s gift of marriage is being degraded and cast aside.
However, in today’s Gospel we see that Jesus approves of marriage and blesses it and the sexual relationship within it as good and holy. Marriage is not just a human arrangement or a mere legal matter or piece of paper. It’s a divine joining together of a man and a woman, an act of God making two people one flesh. That’s why it’s called holy matrimony. Remember, God created marriage and joined Adam and Eve together before the fall into sin. He’s the One who created us male and female. God instituted this for the mutual delight and companionship of husbands and wives, and for the creation of new human life when He grants it. So whether you’re married or single, God teaches you in His Word to honor marriage highly, especially in how you talk about it with friends and family and co-workers. Raunchy joking about sex does not honor marriage; belittling your spouse does not honor marriage. Rather, we should remember the great good that God works through this holy estate.
First of all, in marriage (as in all our vocations) God works to protect us from selfishness. He places a flesh and blood spouse directly before our eyes, with specific and real needs. God calls us out of a self-absorbed life that invents its own good works into a devoted life that takes care of the spouse He has given. A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church and sacrificed Himself for her. That’s why if a husband is starting to whine that his wife is hard to deal with or that she’s not meeting his “needs,” he should look in the mirror and slap himself in the face. His job is not primarily to be a receiver but a giver, sacrificing himself for her. It’s time to man up and focus on how to draw her to yourself again. And likewise, if a wife is lamenting that her husband is not turning out to be the man she hoped he would be, she should remember this: God’s call to submit to your husband and to respect him is not dependent on how romantic or manly or communicative he’s been lately. Honor him as your head as the church honors Christ. With a gentle spirit, keep looking to him to be the man God has called him and declared him to be. It is God’s intent that through this mutual self-giving, His people would be built up and that selfishness would be put down.
Secondly, in marriage God works to protect us from lust. The book of Proverbs consistently refers to sexual enticements, pornographic enticements, as one of the chief ways in which people are led into ruin. In marriage God seeks to protect us from the destructiveness of lust. St. Paul (who himself was single) counsels all who suffer from lust to marry, for this is God’s good and gracious provision for rendering proper affection one to the other. This is also one of the reasons why Paul counsels spouses not to withhold themselves from each other for lengthy periods of time. One of God’s blessings in marriage is the dampening and controlling of lust.
Thirdly, in marriage God seeks to protect us from loneliness. Through the working of the devil, the world, and our own sinful flesh, we can easily become isolated and cut off. In marriage God is at work to protect us from that. When it is His will, He gives us a companion for comfort and camaraderie in life. In the Garden of Eden, God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Adam received Eve as the God-given companion that brought them both completeness. Such is God’s intention for marriage also today.
Fourthly, through marriage God works to rescue us from doubt. Although we would like to believe that we always make good decisions in life, we know that sin clouds our heart and mind. So how can we be certain that we have chosen the right partner? Through marriage God guards against such doubt by giving you the certainty that He is the One who married you to your spouse; that person is the one the Lord Himself has given you to love and to be committed to, even if they’re far from perfect. And what the Lord has done stands far above any feelings you may or may not have or any later wondering whether you should have chosen differently. A man and woman may in freedom choose to marry each other, but what really and finally counts is that it is the Lord who unites them, working through the authorities that He has established. In this way God protects marriage from doubt with the certainty that He is the One who has made the union.
Fifthly, in marriage God seeks to protect us from the delusion of self-sufficiency. We tend to think that we can do just fine on our own apart from God. Without the calling of serving a spouse in marriage (or serving our neighbor in any of our vocations), sinners would perceive even less need for God. In marriage God protects us from such misguided self-reliance. He gives husbands and wives the holy calling of serving each other in Christ. And when husband and wife fail each other, as is bound to happen, God puts His law to work. He confronts their self-centeredness and their faltering service. He afflicts their consciences and disturbs their self-sufficiency. In short, God drives them to depend on Him. He drives them back to Himself, to find forgiveness, strength, and hope in Christ. Confession and Absolution, the preaching of the Gospel, and the Body and Blood of Christ become their lifeblood, making them right with God and able to serve each other again.
Finally, through marriage God works to preserve society. Without this institution, the basic unit of society, the family, would crumble. We see this happening around us, where conflict and chaos and self-will replace His order of family self-giving. To prevent such evil, God established and blessed marriage from the beginning and said, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it.” With that creative word, God continues to bless the union of husband and wife so that children are conceived and born. This, by the way, is one of the key reasons why gay marriage simply cannot and does not exist in God’s sight. Every child has a father and a mother, male and female. Every father and mother is given a divine responsibility toward their children and toward one another within the commitment of marriage. Homosexual relationships can only fake that and cannot produce children. So-called gay “marriage” is fundamentally sterile and lifeless, not because of health reasons or age, but by the very nature of what it is. God’s purpose in marriage is for husband and wife to serve not only each other but also their children by protecting, providing for, and nurturing them in the training and instruction of the Lord. Founded upon God’s gift of the family, human society can be more peaceably ordered. And this in turn gives a good context for the saving Word of Christ to be preached and taught both in the church and the home.
All of this is God’s good gift. And all of this is meant to drive us to the greater reality that marriage points to. The fact of the matter is, to one degree or another, all marriages are broken marriages; for it is two sinners who are united, whose only hope is in the forgiveness of sins that comes from Jesus. And whether a Christian is single or married, divorced, widowed, young or old, as members of the Church we all are in a marital relationship that rescues and saves us. For the Church has been united with her holy Groom, Jesus. She is the betrothed of Christ. In the Epistle today Paul spent a lot of time talking about husbands and wives and marriage. And then he concludes his comments by saying, “What I’m really talking about though is Christ and the Church.” Earthly marriage is a sign of the greater and perfect love that God has for His people and the heavenly union that exists between them.
From all eternity, before marriage was instituted, it was planned that Christ would lay down His life for His woman, sacrifice Himself for the church, to save her from her fall into sin. Adam was put into a deep sleep, and Eve was created from his side. So also Jesus was put into the sleep of death on the cross, that this new Eve might be created from the sacramental blood and water that flowed from His side. St. John calls the church “the elect Lady,” chosen and redeemed by Christ. For Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her by the washing of water with the Word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having any spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. For all of you whom sin has contaminated, or whose marriages and families are broken, Jesus shed His blood to cleanse you of every sin; He sanctified you and made you holy for Himself by the water and the Word of Baptism. You stand before God spotless and perfect in the family of His Church, His holy bride.
Just as husband and wife are given in marriage to become one flesh, so our Lord unites Himself to us and makes Himself one flesh with us–one flesh to the extent that you are now members of His body through baptism. So if He is the Son of God, then you are called sons of God. If He holds in His hand the riches and treasures of heaven, those treasures are also yours to hold and take to heart. If He is the Righteous One, then you are declared righteous before God. If the death He dies no longer holds Him in the grave, then neither can death hold you in the grave. The Bride shares in everything that belongs to the Groom. That’s how marriage works with Jesus. What is His is now yours, too.
This is the joy of the eternal wedding feast that we are given a glimpse of in the Gospel. The ritual washing water of the Law is turned into the joyous wedding wine of the Gospel. The best is saved for last, and that best is Jesus–His forgiveness and mercy and life–which are all for you. Even now in Divine Service the heavenly groom, our Lord Christ, comes to His bride to comfort her. He speaks to you His words of love. He remembers the commitment He made to you at Baptism. He gives Himself to you in Holy Communion that you may share fully in His life.
So set aside your doubts and fears and sorrows. For it is written, “As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.” Come in faith to His table, that you may share in the joy of the eternal wedding feast of the Lamb in His kingdom that has no end.
✠ In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit ✠
(Some of the points above are based on an article written in Gottesdienst by the Rev. Chaplain Jonathan Shaw.)